


Hole in the Dirt

by existential_error



Category: Ghost (Swedish Band)
Genre: F/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-15 08:59:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10553620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/existential_error/pseuds/existential_error
Summary: Veles contemplates her decision to become a ghoul as well as a few other life choices.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I want to thank everyone from the chat for encouraging and inspiring me to write my first fic.

Sunlight was a rare occurrence in the rural countryside. Even rarer were ghouls who sat outside to take the warmth and brightness in. 

Veles sat on the partially crumbled steps leading up to the greenhouse. Her face looking up into the bright blue sky she hardly ever got to see. Sighing at the feel of the sun on her cheeks. It was one of the few things that made her feel truly human again.

She was taking a small break from harvesting the vegetables for tonight's dinner. Two hundred tomatoes and nearly thirty basil plants should be enough to help feed the rest of the ghouls, sisters, and clergy in the castle. She was a quick worker and hardly needed any help from the sisters. In fact, Veles preferred to work by herself in the garden. The sisters were too slow, having to use spades and hand rakes to do their work. Veles only used her claws in the garden, no tools needed. She would occasionally ask a stronger ghoul like Omega to help her pull roots from the ground when she was plotting new land for growing food. And with the church growing in numbers, keeping up with feeding had become a real full time job for her. There wasn't a day since she joined the church where she wasn't in the greenhouse counting seeds or walking the garden checking on the growth of her crops. 

Veles had joined nearly two years ago but had only gone through with becoming a ghoul six months prior. She first joined as a sister but never felt like she belonged with them. The ghouls however, they made her feel something. Something she was missing in her life and had been looking for all along. Veles felt empty most of her life. Living without purpose and never truly belonging with anyone. She tried to find peace in practically every religion before she found her home at the church. Catholicism, Judaism, Taoism, Wicca, hell even some sort of regional voodoo could not fill the hole she had in her heart. Not until she found Papa and his church.

She doesn't exactly remember how she found out about the church, a friend of a friend possibly mentioned a rumor about a "cult in the mountains", never specifying their practices or what exactly they worshiped. 

Veles wiped a bead of sweat from her forehead with the edge of her apron. She gently glided her fingertips along the sides of her horns. Smooth like silk, and one small section on each horn was starting to branch off as if it were an antler. It wasn't uncommon for ghouls to have split horns but ones as smooth as hers? A rarity. Her tail twitched at the tip. Veles sunk her forehead into her open palms and sighed again. Only this time it was heavy, and not for the sun.

 

Her human memories were fading. The transformation of her body was making her less human everyday. Soon she would not remember her past life, and that is something that used to terrify her. Maybe a little fear was still left over. Before she made the decision to transform, the whole process of becoming a ghoul scared her to death but her desperate desire to be accepted and loved outweighed any and all the risks of becoming a ghoul. Giving up your entire life, family, friends, and possessions. Having to fake your own death to make sure nobody comes looking for you. Being locked in a coffin for three days and three nights, your body going through a literal metamorphosis into a creature found in horror novels.

The possibility of not even surviving the entire ritual.

Veles swallowed her fears and sacrificed all of it for the chance to be a part of something bigger than herself. 

But emotions had gotten the better of her the night before the ritual was to take place. Cold feet and a pit in her stomach, she was on the verge of a breakdown. She was too terrified to back out in fear of what Sister Imperator would do to her. Stories circulated of church deserters ending up without limbs or even heads for that matter...it made Veles sick to her stomach just to think about it. She hated herself for being so indecisive. Though this wasn't exactly like choosing what color shoes you want or which ice cream flavor to get. This was life, death, and her future. Forever. 

Still Veles had her doubts and decided to seek some support from the head of the church, Papa Emeritus III himself.


	2. Chapter 2

The castle where the entirety of the church members resided was insanely big. There seemed to be new rooms added every day. Tall tales of ghouls and other members alike getting lost in the maze of halls and never being seen again were rampant through the congregation. 

When Veles first heard these rumors she dismissed them. "How could you get lost forever? You would eventually find someone while wondering around." It wasn't until she was wondering the castle for herself where she really started to feel like those stories could be true. There seemed to be more halls than rooms. Some lead to no rooms at all, just blank walls or a window that overlooked the fields leading up to the distant mountains. 

Finding Papa's private room was thankfully easier. It wasn't too far from the meal hall. The door to his room was also very different from the rest of the doors in the castle. It was heavy and made of some kind of dark wood. Veles sheepishly knocked on the door, nervous that she would be bothering him at such a late hour. When there was no answer she raised her hand to knock again, but suddenly the handle clicked and the door crept open. Papa stuck his face through the crack in the door. His hair was a black mess and his face paint had been taken off hours ago. He had just woken up. 

"Yes?" Papa asked in a very tired voice. 

"I'm sorry Papa, it's Veles. I don't mean to bother you at this hour but I am in need of some spiritual help.", Veles' voice was almost a whisper, she felt embarrassed for bothering him so late at night. She should have known he would be fast asleep. 

Papa took one look at her and knew she had been crying.

"Oh Veles please it's not a bother to me to speak to you. But could you uh, just give me a moment?" Papa shut the door quickly and Veles could hear his sped up footsteps and another, smaller door opening and shutting loudly in the room. The footsteps returned, and seemingly calmer this time. Papa swung the door open fully, he had put on a black silk robe. Veles realized he was most likely naked when he cracked open the door. He paused to look at Veles. Her blonde hair was pulled back hastily into a bun, stray strands were pulled behind her ears. Papa stuck his right arm out and motioned for Veles to enter. Papa stepped back against the door as she stepped through, placing his hand lightly onto the middle of her back, guiding her. He shut the heavy door behind him leaving them in total darkness until he found his way over to the sitting area in the middle of the room and flicked a lamp on. It illuminated a pair of red velvet chairs that faced one another and matching couch placed between the two. Veles sat down on near the center of the couch while Papa took a seat in the chair nearest to her. 

Veles stared absently at the rug beneath her bare feet. Papa finally broke the silence, "My dear, please tell me what troubles you."

Papa looked at her with concern on his face. It seemed like she was empty, drained of emotion from all the crying she must have done. 

Veles sighed deeply and turned her head to Papa, keeping her eyes on the ground. "I...", she paused while she tried to find her words, "what if this isn't what I was looking for?" 

Papa raised an eyebrow, confused as to what she meant, "I'm sorry Veles, I don't know what you mean by this. What are you looking for?" 

Veles shrugged half heartedly, "I'm not sure. But I have felt...empty most of my life. I feel like I'm alone and just...kind of wading through life without a real purpose. I tried many religions before this and they didn't work out. I've been a part of this church the longest out of all of them and yes, I felt a little less empty inside, but who knows how long that will last. I chose to become a ghoul because I felt like it IS what I was looking for. And I know that once you become one that's it, you are here forever. There's no leaving. What if I regret my decision?" 

"I see." Papa didn't really know what to say. He wasn't very good at consoling someone going through something so personal. But he had empathy, and a need to help those who suffer. "Well, yes, you are here with us forever, but...this means you will be taken care of and loved by us all, forever. I want you to feel like our church is a place you can call a home...and you also have a purpose of helping the church. You and a few of the other sisters grow half the food, do you not?" 

"Yes, I do help grow the food." Veles turned her body to Papa. "I do feel more at home here than anywhere I've ever been before." Veles felt herself calm down a bit but a new worry grew in her gut. "Papa...I am terrified of the pain I'm going to feel tomorrow. I've heard stories of people not making it through the ritual alive."

"That is true some do not make it.", Papa replied quickly without thinking. He realized what he had said when she saw her face turn fearful. "But! But but but...that does not happen often. Do you see how many ghouls we have here in the castle? They have all come out if this just fine." He knew he was exaggerating. Most ghouls do come out fine, but many still come out with injuries, illness, mental health issues, and sometimes disability. It was a dangerous ritual. Papa knew that. Papa also knew that Veles was saved from suffering if she did go through the ritual. Like a rebirth. And a baptism. 

Veles didn't say anything. 

Papa stood up and moved to sit next to her on the couch. Veles turned her head to look at him. He was so close to her their arms nearly touched. Papa took Veles right hand in both of his. 

"Veles, tomorrow will be the last time you will ever suffer again. I promise you, you will feel peace when it is over. I can sense you are a strong young woman and you will make it through the ritual." He spoke in a low voice. 

Veles could only stare at his eyes. She felt emotions well up in her again but she couldn't tell what they were. A sense of pride? His words had lifted her out of the hole she fell into. She felt like crying again but her eyes were so exhausted no tears could form. Veles let her head fall onto his shoulder and squeezed his hands tight and her eyes shut tighter. 

Papa pressed his cheek into the top of her head. "Oh Veles, it will all be okay in the end." He took his left hand from her grip and wrapped his arm around her. He caressed her back gently and placed a small kiss onto her head. Veles lifted her head and looked him in the eyes again. She leaned up and kissed him before she even thought about what she was doing. Papa held her face in his hands as he returned the kiss. She felt overwhelmed. It had felt like forever since she had been understood. It had also been forever since she had been kissed. She felt truly loved in that moment. 

Their hands moved all over each other. Clothing had scattered onto the rug and the couch. The intensity and the heat had escalated and Papa took Veles in his arms and carried her into the darkness and to his bed. 

It was there they finished out the night.


	3. Chapter 3

A rumble of thunder in the distance snapped Veles out of her memory. She looked beyond the treeline and spied dark clouds blowing in from the west. The sun was about to disappear again. This made Veles sigh as she stood up and dusted the dirty from her pants. It was time to gather anything in the garden that needed to be kept out of the upcoming rain. As she gathered up hoses and rakes her mind began to wander back to that memory…

 

She was exhausted the morning after. Emotionally and physically. Papa was a real hands on guy and it had left her sore. She hadn't expected the night to go the way it did but she certainly did not mind the path it took. Veles knew their little physical engagement meant nothing. She knew he was a real “ladies man” even though he didn't just stick with the ladies. It made her a bit disheartened that it didn't mean anything. Veles didn't have feelings for him, but it was an intimate experience that not many had shared with her. She tried to not let her little one night stand get her distracted from the events that were to a take place later in the day. It was time to get ready to serve breakfast for everyone in the church.

The mess hall was chaotic as usual with ghouls roughhousing and playing with their food. They were really no different from rowdy teenagers. Sisters would always ask her why she wanted to be a ghoul anyway? Veles really never had a clear answer. “I'm not sure, but it's just, calling to me.” she would always tell them. One of her closest friends, Envy, was really the only sister who supported her decision. She was the one who stood outside Sister Imperator’s office waiting while Veles spoke to her about becoming a ghoul. She was there for some moral support just in case Imperator denied her request. Veles wasn't sure why Imperator signed off on her plea for becoming a ghoul, but she nevertheless happy about it.

Envy was the only sister Veles felt she could trust since she had told everyone about her decision to go through with the ghoulification process. Since then, some sisters have expressed half hearted concern for her mental well-being or have snubbed her completely. Others were supportive but really didn't want to associate with her anymore. It was some real petty high school like shit. Veles was grateful Envy stuck around. She could come to her for anything, except for her episode last night. Envy was close to the higher ups and worried that she would let slip that Veles had a lapse in faith. She knew Envy would never do such a thing but she was scared to death about getting thrown out of the church. Papa was definitely not someone to worry about telling these kinds of secrets to. He was in constant argument with the clergy leaders and practically hated them, though he would never say it to their faces.

Veles was finishing serving food with a few of the other sisters when Sister Diane tugged on her shoulder lightly. “Hey Veles, could you do me a huge favor and deliver breakfast to Papa and the higher ups? They are in the meeting room discussing something.”

Veles felt a small knot twist in her stomach, “Why can't you do it? The work chart said it was your job today.”

“I uhh...left something in one of the rooms upstairs and I need to get it.” Diane was a really bad liar.

“Uh…” Veles raised her eyebrow at her fellow sister, “...alright whatever I'll deliver.” Veles turned away to head back to the kitchen to retrieve the cart of food and rolled her eyes as she walked away. The sisters gathered at the far end of the long dining table snickered and giggled as Veles strode past. Veles furrowed her brow and looked back at them as she continued on. She had no idea what that was all about and really didn't want to know, or care for that matter.

It wasn't until she passed the ghouls’ designated table until she heard chatter in ghoulish followed by more stares and snickers. Earth spoke to a group of ghouls loudly and in English this time, intending for Veles to hear him, “-well of course Papa wants the women he fucks to bring him his breakfast the morning after a good lay!” the group erupted in laughter. Veles’ head shot sideways with a shocked looked on her face that quickly turned into anger.

“Excuse me??”, Veles made her way to the table, nearly stomping. “What the Hell did you just say??”, Veles was stern and loud with her question.

“Oh well that just confirms that it WAS you in Papa’s room last night. Was it a pity fuck since you are going to be turning into a damn monster tonight?”, Earth laughed along with a group of four other ghouls. Veles felt her face go red, she was so embarrassed and felt ashamed. But it was quickly outweighed by anger. “Earth, did you really have nothing better to do last night than sit around by yourself listening to people have sex?”, Veles replied quickly as she placed her hands on her hips.

“Don't worry it wasn't just me listening,” Earth began to count on his fingers, his claws clicked together as he did. “Ifrit was there, so was Dew, Cowbell, Water, ehh...Mist was around for a second but she told us that we should go and fuck off somewhere else-”

Mist shouted down at Earth from the middle section of the table, “Which you still should have done by the way!”

Earth waved at her before blowing a kiss sarcastically her way. Mist threw up a middle finger in response before returning to her breakfast. Earth turned back to Veles and continued, “Oh I do believe I am forgetting that our boy Omega was also there!” The group turned their heads to look at Omega, who was seated at the other end of the table, unable to hear the conversation taking place. Veles felt her heart sink a little. Omega was a kind hearted ghoul and she considered him a friend. She would never think he would do something like that. Veles felt like crying again. Before she could get her next words out, heeled footsteps clicked toward them. Envy strolled up behind Veles and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Cys…” a ghoul muttered under their breath.

“So what are you guys talking about here? Something good I hope.” Envy spoke with a cheery tone. Though she was nothing but cheery. She was almost a younger version of Imperator. Strict, callous, and passive aggressive as a motherfucker.

Earth broke the awkward silence, “Well sister, we were just talking about how- OW FUCK!” The sister didn't let Earth finish his sentence as she plucked him from his seat by his ear. He was barely holding himself up on his tip toes while she dragged him to the end of the table and threw the small ghoul to the ground. “If you're going to talk shit you're gonna get shit, Earth.”, Envy’s fake smile and cheery attitude was gone, “Apologize. Now.” Earth remained silent as he looked up at both women. Veles face was stuck in a state of shock. The whole room had eyes focused on the ghoul who was thrown to the floor. Earth kept his lips shut tight and gave a smug little smile. Envy sighed loudly, “Alright, Earth. If you're not going to apologize, you get to do all of Veles’ tasks today! Get going on bringing the clergy their food, they have been waiting long enough. Lucifer help you if it gets cold on your watch.” Earth stood up with his brow furrowed and the smugness on her face gone. He rubbed the spot where his ass hit the stone floor and scoffed in ghoulish as he walked away.

Envy turned back the group of ghouls still sitting at the table, they quickly went back to eating and tried to avoid eye contact with either of the women. Envy gave a quick wink to Veles as she walked away, continuing her duty of supervising the dining hall. Veles, still had a look of surprise on her face as she walked quickly out of the dining hall and into the corridors leading to the greenhouse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank my friends on the discord server for helping me out with this chapter! Love y'all!
> 
> Also "Cys" means "shit" in ghoulish.


	4. Chapter 4

Greenhouses were always a place that put Veles at ease. The stillness and warmth hugged her as soon as she passed through the thick glass doors. Veles stood still for a moment to take it all in. Three deep breaths were all she needed before continuing. The embarrassment Earth had inflicted slowly faded with each exhale. And in the final breath she was calm. 

Veles rubbed her eyes, already feeling the moisture in the air stick to her skin. She continued through the greenhouse and out the second set of doors are the end of the room, exiting to the garden. It was a cloudy morning, a bit cold too, but Veles just needed to walk around and assess the progress of the garden. No weeding or pulling needed today. 

Halfway through her round about the garden she heard the doors open and shut from the greenhouse. She figured it was another sister and didn't think much of it; not even bothering to turn her head and see which sister. Veles knelt next to a patch of tomato plants. She plucked off any browning or eaten leaves. “Fucking caterpillars.” she muttered to herself. 

“Caterpillars need to eat too you know?” a voice came from behind Veles. 

Veles swung herself around quickly and gasped out of surprise. She sighed in annoyance when she realized who had snuck up on her. Omega. 

“Geez Omega, you come out here to make fun of my recent engagements too?”, Veles avoided looking at him, continuing to pluck at the leaves. 

“What? No, I came out here to see if you were alright. Mist told me what happened in the dining hall.” Omega squatted down next to her and helped pull some more leaves. “And for the record, I wasn't there. Earth made that up just to mess with you. He can be a real asshole.” 

Veles felt a bit of relief in hearing Omega was not actually involved. She knew he would never lie, especially to her. 

“I'm sorry about snapping at you like that. I should have figured it was just Earth’s stupid exaggerations.”, she shook her head and stopped plucking, choosing to sit down instead. Veles pressed her hands into her face and sighed loudly. It almost sounded like growl. 

“So I take it you're not alright. Was it Earth or…are you just nervous about tonight?”, Omega sounded genuinely concerned for his friend. He knew how scary a ritual like this could be. He remembers how frightened he was, how painful it was. 

“Yeah, it's about tonight.”, Veles’ voice was muffled under her hands. She slowly pulled them down her face before resting them in her lap. Staring down at the grass below her. Veles looked over to Omega, “Does it really hurt as bad as everyone says? Papa tried to tell me yesterday that it wasn't very painful, but I could tell he was just trying to, I don't know, calm me down I guess. I mean how could he know? He isn't a damn ghoul.”

Omega let out a short laugh, not because what she said was funny, but because he was uncomfortable remembering his own time in the coffin. 

“Yeah he definitely doesn't know what he's talking about there. But Veles, I'm going to be completely honest with you. It's going to feel like you're dying and easily the most pain you will ever feel in your entire life.”, Omega spoke with a soft voice, “But it is worth it, I promise you.” 

“Well shit. Too late to back out now though, isn't it.”, Veles sounded tired. 

“I'm afraid it is. You'll make it through this though. It's so much better once it's done. You will have wished you'd done it sooner.”, Omega had a bit of uplift in his voice as he stood up and reached a hand out for Veles to grab onto, “Let's go. You need to get prepared for the night.” 

Ritual or no, the day flew by just like any other. Veles had spent most of the day confined to her room. She didn't feel up for any more conversation until after this was all over. All she wanted to it to be over with. Veles looked at the clock in her bedroom only to feel an uptick in the amount of butterflies in her stomach. It was 11 p.m., one hour to go. She stood in front of her bed, looking down at the long, white ritual robe. Veles ran a hand across the sleeve, it was almost silk like, but nearly a sheer fabric. She closes her eyes and took three deep breaths. Reminding herself of what Papa said, about how many ghouls there were, they all came out of the same ritual just fine right? Right? 

A knock at the door broke her thoughts.

“Veles? It's Envy. Can I come in?”, Veles could almost hear fear in her voice. 

“Y-yeah, you can come in.”, her voice was a bit shaken, not realizing how nervous she actually was until she spoke for the first time in hours. 

The doorknob squeaked as it turned, causing Veles to cringe. She hated that doorknob. Envy stepped in slowly, almost cautiously, and close the door behind her. Before Veles could get a word out Envy crossed the room and hugged her so tightly it knocked the breath from Veles’ lungs. Envy was fighting tears. Veles hugged her back and they stood holding onto each other for a good while, not saying anything, but Envy’s act of affection had said everything. 

Surprisingly, Envy was the first to break the grip. 

“I'm here to escort you down to the cathedral.”, her voice was filled to the brim with her trademark fake confidence. She was really trying not to break down in front of her. 

Veles could only nod before quickly undressing and slipping on the white robe. Even though her body was covered, she had never felt more exposed. Envy halfheartedly fixed the hem at the shoulder. 

She looked at Veles and into her blue eyes, “It’s time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank the discord chat and my good friend for helpin me out with this.


	5. Chapter 5

Envy and Veles drifted down the hall, arms linked together. Neither were particularly in a hurry to start this ritual. They didn't look at each other or speak the entire way to the nave.

The large entrance doors were already open. Inside, candles lined the aisle as ghouls were seated in the pews. A coffin lay propped open in front of the altar. Sister Imperator stood hands clasp together and with a mean look in her eye at the top of the steps to the right of the alter. A candle flicked next to her. Papa Emeritus, dressed in his papal gown, had placed himself behind it, dead center. Veles felt the knot twist in her stomach. Papa rarely ever attended ghoul initiation and she couldn't tell if it was the impending transformation or seeing him for the first time since their encounter last night that was giving her nerves a fueled fire. Hell it was probably both. She felt her emotions scrambling into a mess again. 

Envy lead Veles down the dim aisle, as if she was a father giving his daughter away at her wedding. The ghouls watched but did not make a sound as she passed them. As stepped around the coffin and reached the steps Envy stopped and unhooked her arm from her friend. Before Envy could step away Veles reached out and hugged her tightly. A worried expression was stuck on her face. Envy had tried to keep herself from a breakdown earlier, but she couldn't stop a few tears from rolling down her face in that moment. Imperator rolled her eyes before clearing her throat loudly to try to get them to stop so they could proceed. Envy, who was facing her, shot a sharp glare as they separated once more. Veles untied the white robe and let the fabric slip from her body and gave a nod to Envy as she stepped down from the area and sat in the front pew. Her heart could not have been beating faster as she watched her friend turn and face the altar. 

“Veles.”, Emeritus spoke in a hushed voice. 

“Papa.”, Veles replied in an equally hushed but nervous voice. A chill of air washed over her bare skin, leaving goosebumps behind.

“Are you ready?”

“Yes.”, Veles choked out, holding back tears. She looked down at the altar to spy a communion glass full of a deep red liquid, knowing right away it was the blood of the other ghouls. 

“You have nothing to fear.”

Veles locked eyes with him. Those words stuck with her, and she wasn't quite sure why. 

Imperator started her speech, but Veles was not listening. Her shrill voice was tuned out of Veles’ ears. All she could focus on was Papa and the comfort he gave her. The nervousness started washing away as minutes went by. Veles snapped out of her daze when Imperator grabbed her shoulder and spun her body to the right. Imperator passed a candle from shoulder to shoulder, and then her nose to her stomach all while spitting out something about the fire of Hell itself. It seemed so rushed considering the weight of the circumstances at hand. But Imperator was known for her hatred of ghouls. Her bony hand shoved her to face the altar again. Imperator yelled, “Now drink from the essence of your brothers and sisters! Absorb their power and transform!”.

‘Seems a bit dramatic for Imperator’, Veles thought suspiciously. Papa lifted the cup and passed it to Veles. Her hands brushed against his black gloves as she took it from his hands. The vile smell of ghoul blood stung in her nose as she lifted it to her lips. She took a deep breath before drinking as much of the liquid as she could. The taste was just as horrendous as the smell. Like rotting meat and bile. Veles’ eyes watered as she swallowed and took a large gasp of air before falling into a coughing fit. Bracing herself against the altar so she wouldn't fall, Veles felt the leather of a glove grip her arm in an attempt to help keep her upright. Veles finally caught her breath but she felt like vomiting. Slowly all of her senses started to cloud. Ringing filled her ears and her vision became doubled. A pounding in her head coupled with a sudden vertigo finally took Veles down to the floor. The gloved hand of Papa slipping it's grip, Veles fell with a loud “thud”. As she lay there disoriented, she swore she could hear the voice of Imperator in her ear, whispering, “You are a fool.”. Another thud onto the floor was the last thing Veles heard before sinking into blackness. Her body was limp. And the church was quiet. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was blackness. Only blackness and a searing pain in her chest. Veles’ eyes fluttered open to see nothing. She reaches up to feel the space around her only to slam her fingertips into the top of the pine box. The tips of her nails stung but it was nothing compared to the pain emerging from her chest. Veles groaned as a sudden onset of nausea took hold. She turn her head violently to the side and gagged. Only bile came up. But it stung her nose and throat more severely than she had ever felt in her life. She tried to calm herself. “It’s just three days. Three days and it’s over.”, she spoke aloud to herself. Fingers drumming softly on her sides. “Maybe I could just try and sleep…”. Before Veles could shut her eyes a sharp, shooting pain pulsed through her entire body. All muscles tightened and cramped. Veles screamed through her teeth, her jaw unwilling to let go. The intense pain lasted only a few seconds before her body went limp. Numbness creeped from her toes and fingers to spread throughout her body. Her consciousness went out like a light. 

Veles woke again hours later. Pain still lingered in her body. She sobbed for every sting, burn, and cramp she felt. Her sense of time was gone by the next morning. Unable to sleep from the pain and unable to cry anymore, she lay there, unmoving, just trying to breathe. Hallucinations started out small. But barely audible whispers soon turned into voices she recognized. Veles could hear other sisters mocking words. Criticisms of her appearance, her decisions, and her morals. Veles tried to yell back to the nonexistent voices but her throat was so dry from her lack of water, all that came out of her was a crackled breath. She covered her ears trying to get the voices to stop. And they did. A sigh of relief come from deep inside of her. 

“HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!?”, a voice yelled in her head.

Veles jumped when she heard the scream in her head. It was Envy’s voice and oh god it broke her heart. Envy repeatedly screamed her question into Veles ears. All she could do was sob and cover her ears. Her voice was too broken to respond. Like it would do any good anyway. It seemed like she screamed for hours before the voice subsided. Pain still coursed through her body. But she felt another sensation in her arms. They itched terribly. It felt like ants were crawling and biting her. Her scratching was of no help. Panicking, Veles dug deeper into her skin. Bits of flesh were coming off in her short nails and she stopped when she realized she was causing her own pain. Blood was creeping down and settling into the wood of the coffin. She was shaking now. The sensation didn’t subside in her arms but travelled into her legs. Veles kicked and rubbed her legs against the sides of the coffin, desperate for anything to relieve the pain her hands could not reach. Her whole body was shaking as the feeling faded. A voice spoke in her head again. 

“We should have never let you into this church”

It was Papa’s.

“You have done nothing useful. You never helped any of us.” 

Veles shook her head violently. “No…”, was all she could choke out. 

“You’re just a pathetic stupid girl. If you couldn’t find yourself in any other group, what makes you think you will find yourself here?” 

Veles felt sudden shame in herself for even thinking this would be something she could do. His imaginary words repeated themselves in her ears. She wished she could rip her eardrums out, but instead started slamming her head against the side of the pine box. The repeated trauma and onset dizziness slowed the force down before she finally stopped and fell unconscious. 

It felt like she had been locked in this box for weeks. Veles craved death to take her. Her head had stopped bleeding but the dry blood seemed to almost glue her hair to the wood. Bruises covered her body and everywhere just ached. She felt so weak, emotionally and physically, from the pain. The hallucinations had subsided, but the horrible words they spoke stuck in her mind. She questioned everything again. Spending her entire life searching for where she belonged felt wasted. This was the last resort. If this didn't work, if she still questioned her place in life after this, she decided she would ultimately end it. After this, what was the point? If should couldn't find peace with herself here, there was nowhere for her to go. 

Suddenly there was a loud grinding noise coming from outside the coffin. The box suddenly shifted and was pulled forward. Veles knew then that it was over. She had made it. The nails in the coffin were yanked out and the lid lifted. Even the dim light of the catacomb blinded Veles. She raised her hands to block the light, but several hands lifted her body from her coffin. Everything was blurry and she couldn't tell who was carrying her, but she knew it was a few of the stronger ghouls. They carried her into another room that was much brighter. She could hear running water as they passed through another door. It clicked in Veles’ mind that she was getting a bath. She was so happy she could cry. Tears had long dried up inside herself, but a squeak came from her throat. A hand stroked her hair and a quiet voice spoke in her ear. 

“Don't try to speak now. It's almost done.” 

Veles knew it was Omega speaking, even through the ringing in her ears. 

Slowly they lowered her into the bathtub. The water stung the wounds but the warmth was all she could focus on. Her vision was slowly coming back into focus when she saw three sisters walk in and the ghouls who had carried her walk out. A dizziness had settled over her again. Consciousness began to fade in and out again. She felt hands and rags over her skin before she once again faded out into black. 

Sisters worked to scrub away the dried blood and grime from Veles skin. Her head wound was cleaned out and a sister from the medical ward had stitched it closed. The water had turned a disgusting brown-red. 

Veles woke slowly. Her eyes moved around the room. She was in the infirmary ward. Bandages had been placed all over her. The largest wrapped around her head. She couldn't feel any pain anymore either. Looking to her arm she realized why. The IV had been pumping in morphine for who knows how long. Something light pink in the corner of her eye had caught her attention. On the table next her the bed was a large vase full of pink roses in full bloom. A small card was attached. Veles squinted her eyes to read it.

‘Get well soon and welcome home. - Emeritus III’

A cough distracted her from papa’s gift and she turned her head to see the patient lying in the bed next her hers. Veles gasped when she saw who it was. Envy lay there asleep, as badly broken as Veles was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :^)


End file.
